Leaving the Sleepover- a cautionary tale

So Your all probably wondering how Friday night went.... It was fun. Full of giggles, dressing up, dancing. Sadie had a blast. It was nice for me too, I got to chat with grown ups while Sadie's friends where always redirecting her when she got distracted. They were so enthusiastic to include her in everything they did. I didn't mind staying an hour later than we talked about, she was just so happy. Then the sleeping bags where brought out. It was already 10:30 and a movie was going to be put on to lull the girls to sleep. 

I knew it was now or never. So I started the exit process. For those of you know Sadie, you know she has this face, it's the sad face. The saddest face you will ever see in fact. Our family calls it "the face" and it will break your heart the moment you see it because it is only made when Sadie is genuinely deeply sad. Social story went out the window. We had a five alarm melt down that ended with me dragging a 45 lbs. child out the door, screaming, crying, kicking, head butting. It wasn't pretty. I suddenly felt like an alien to Kylie's mom (not her fault she was being more then gracious) It was just one of those times where you want the ground to open up and swallow you whole. I just wanted to get Sadie out of there so her friends didn't have to watch her act like a crazed animal. 

I hated it, I almost asked if I could sleep on the couch, but I knew I couldn't give in. Not only did I want to follow through with what we talked about in her social story but Hubby and I made a decision before we had kids that they wouldn't be allowed to spend the night anywhere except families houses. Who knew these hard decisions would come up so quickly! After wrestling Sadie into her car seat I shut the door and quickly, my goodbyes and Thank yous as I peeled out of the drive way (peel out added for dramatic effect). There was nothing I could say to stop the sobbing. I spotted the iPad at the corner of my eye and handed it back to her. Suddenly there was silence, a little sniffling and then "Do you think Baby Hedgehogs are soooo cute?" She held up a picture of a hedgehog on one of her apps. "Yes Beebs Baby Hedgehogs are so adorable" After that all was well.

I don't know that I could have done anything differently, I mean what kid isn't going to be upset if they're at a sleepover and then can't sleep over. However, if I find myself in this situation ever again I will probably bring her social story with me,  usually I don't like to do things that set her apart from  other kiddos but I think I just have to while she's still young. Next I will have to have a HUGE reinforcer waiting for her immediately after ward, and I mean HUGE like puppy waiting in the car huge! If I can't pull off a puppy it will have to be something that trumps a sleepover and then that will be written at the end of her social story. If your not familiar with ABA tactics this probably sounds like I'm creating a spoiled brat but actually the more positive experiences Sadie will have to associate with leaving a party or any fun event the easier it will eventually be for her to leave without the tantrum. It's my job to set her up for success so that someday she can do this all on her own. 

The Birthday party + Social Story

Ok so this year Beebs has been invited to 1 play date and exactly 0 birthday parties. Last year she was a little socialite as far as parties go. I mean we even had to turn a couple down because we were getting too busy. As I'm writing this it just dawned on me that I threw a big birthday bash for Beebs in the beginning of the kindergarden school year. It was kind of the most awesome Bubble Guppies party ever! This year we settled on Disneyland passes. So ok lesson learned. Maybe thats how how kindergarden friends and parents got to see Sadie as a regular little girl and not as the girl your scared to ask about. Who am I kidding maybe it was because the parents got to see me look semi put together instead of the loch ness monster look I have going on every morning at drop off. 

Regardless when Sadie comes home now from first grade and asks why she missed so and so's party on Saturday and why did I lose the invitation, my heart aches a little bit. I'm kind of grateful that she could not imagine not being invited to said party. It of course is always an oversight on my part. I can just imagine what parents think if their kiddo did want to invite Sadie. "How would we include her if she can't walk? I don't want to be responsible for that kind of situation, will her walker make tire marks on my carpet?(well I would think about that ok)" I don't hate parents that think of these things before they don't invite my daughter, I get it, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. So this is why when a mom came up to me last week and said "Kylie really wants Sadie to come to her sleep over birthday party next week. Do you think we could work something out?" I almost tackled her with a huge grateful hug! Don't worry I kept my cool. "Yes, Sadie will be so excited"(while I'm squealing inside). We worked it out where I am going to go and help and then take Sadie home late when everyone is going to bed. 

Sadie is soooo thrilled. The party is tonight! Of course we have been practicing all week on saying goodbye. I have been going over and over with her about how we are not spending the night and that the sleeping part is super boring anyways. I hope pray we can avoid a tantrum. Sadie's starting to get to that age where the other children shrink away when she starts to throw her fits. There are still some of those social separations that are getting more obvious as she gets older. ((((Deep Breath))) It's going to be fun.

Here is the social story we have been working on:

Kylie's party is going to be so much fun!

If I get really excited I can just laugh or giggle 

I don't want to crawl away from my friends when we are having fun.

My mom will be there if I need a squeeze

At nine o'clock it will be time for me to go home and my friends will go to sleep

I won't cry because I had so much fun at the party 

I can say "Goodbye Kylie thank you for inviting me!"

That will show my friends I am a big girl and then I can invite Kylie to my house for a playdate soon!